6 October 2003

Goodbyes

As we prepare to leave Senlis I have begun the ritual of saying goodbye to things.  So please forgive me if I seem more sentimental than my usual self.  Ahead of me I am facing the move to England.  Just moments behind me is my time in France. 

The goodbyes all started when Natalie and I were finishing up the gifts we put together for the children in our English class.  Natalie asked me when we were actually moving, and it was at that moment that I started to feel really sad.  I have to blame it on Natalie because she feels the same way I do about goodbyes, and she was feeling really sad as we talked.

The cobblestone street from Natalie’s place reminded me of how much I will miss the beauty of Senlis.  The ancient stone buildings line the streets like giant redwood trees.  Each one is different but together they make an elegant picture.

As I passed the house where I hear the clarinet practice each morning on our walk up the hill to school, I said “goodbye”.  At the little bridge that crosses where the creek flows around the town I said “goodbye”.  A motorcycle raced past me at that very moment, and I told myself, “I won’t miss that sound” so I said, “goodbye”.

At lunch Cat and I treated ourselves to lunch at a tiny little teahouse next to the Marie (courthouse).  It will be the last time we will eat our lunch together in the middle of the day (for now anyway) so I said, “goodbye” when we left. 

Each step seems to include some kind of loss.  I hate this feeling.

On the other hand I have to admit that I’ve proven to myself that I can make friends in any language (Chinese, French or Spanish).  I’ve helped translate French documents, and had a blast teaching 6 year olds how to say “thank you”.  My health is good because I’ve walked and walked and walked every single day. 

Plus I’ve also proven to myself that I can be happy anywhere as long as I am spending time with people I love.  I’ve laughed on days when life seemed hopeless, and at myself over and over again.  I’ve learned a lifetime of things in the last year and half, and I will cherish them for the rest of my life.

Goodbye new stonewall, and beautiful sunflowers.  Goodbye street market and chocolate shop.  Goodbye morning coffee at the sidewalk café. 

“Goodbye” to the “voo lay voo” sound of the emergency squad as it passes at 7 AM in the morning or when I am trying to relax in the garden.

“Goodbye” to not having to listen to every word that someone speaks.  Goodbye to resting my brain when I don’t care to participate in the conversation.  Goodbye to the long walks by myself in the safety of an ancient little town.

So long, but not goodbye to Bernard and Monique, my compatriots…and Julia, Catherine, and Jennifer.  And to Natalie, my soul sister I will not say anything for the tears will come quickly to both of us.

And goodbye to the cats for now since we just learned that they cannot enter England until November 14.  AND goodbye to Sarah bunny, who will live in a fabulous garden with the woman who sells children’s shoes in Senlis. 

Hello England.  You’ve got some big shoes to fill!