4 April 2005

French Kissing

Don’t get me wrong, I love visiting France.  I’ve missed being here pretty much every day since we moved to England.  I miss the walk to the market on Tuesday and Saturday.  I especially miss our friends, Monique and Bernard.  The one thing I don’t miss is all that kissing when folks greet each other.

You won’t believe how much kissing goes on in France.  Everybody kisses everybody.   Once when I was at the bakery, the sales clerk came rushing from out behind the sales counter to kiss a woman standing next to me.  I was a little overwhelmed and relieved not to be the center of her affection.

When I lived here I found myself feeling pretty awkward about this foreign way of greeting.  There are just some people that I don’t want to kiss.  They have bad energy OR they might be contagious.  Eventually I learned to put my hand when I first met someone, as way to signal that I wanted to shake hands, and NOT kiss.

Even with my French friends I was often unsure of the rules.  For instance if I saw a friend downtown at the market we would kiss each other.  But then 10 minutes later I might see her waiting for her children at school.  Should I kiss her hello and goodbye again?

Sometimes I exchanged the kissing greeting when I was leaving a friend.  Then I paused and said; “Now I would like to say my own goodbye.” And I would give them a tight hug and a kiss on the side of their face.  That big hug always got me a giant smile and another kiss.

When I lived here I studied the kissing process because I saw it everywhere I went.   In all honesty I was trying to prepare myself in case someone came rushing at me unexpectedly trying to offer a kiss.  I am American and not used to this kissing behavior. 

My studies taught me that there are some specific rules for kissing:

Rule #1:  As soon as you greet someone you must first kiss the person’s left cheek, then the right.  It doesn’t matter where this happens…in the middle of traffic, in line at the supermarket, or giving birth.

Rule #2: If you barely know the person you must kiss at their cheek but up in the air (Jay calls this “opera kisses”), however if you are real friends you give kisses directly to their cheek.

Rule #3:  Everybody kisses everybody:  men kiss men, and women kiss women.   The only exceptions that I saw are if you are just meeting a person you might shake hands, but probably not.

Rule #4:  Every living soul must kiss children.  You see kids everywhere wiping away the kisses from adults with the expression of “yuck” in their eyes.

Rule #5:  If you are from Paris you kiss first on the left, then on the right, then on the left again and once more on the right for good measure.  This style of kissing has kind of a ballet rhythm to it.

I don’t think we have a kissing ritual in the US.  We shake hands and then give a smack on the shoulder or a pat on the back.  That would be pretty personal for us I think.

Cat always liked all of the French display of affection stuff.  She held hands with the little girls and they kissed each other hello in the morning on the playground and goodbye after school.  Sometimes one of the little girls would run up to us as we are leaving school and give Cat a kiss on the check.  In a short time it all seemed very normal.

One time I watched Cat pass Delphine, the school gate guard.  The guard was a friendly young woman who got kissed a lot by those little kids.  They must really know how to suck up, or else they were trying on purpose to pass along a great deal of germs. As Cat passed the guard Delphine said something in French, and Cat turned back without hesitation to follow Rule #1.  I had to smile to myself as I wondered how all of this was going to translate once we are back in the States.

Annie Warmke has returned to Philo but continues to write about her life in Europe.  You can visit her by going to http://www.bluerockstation.com.