2 June 2003

French Kissing

You won’t believe how much kissing goes on in France.  Everybody kisses everybody.   Just yesterday I was at the bakery and the sales clerk came rushing from out behind the sales counter to kiss a woman standing next to me.  I was a little overwhelmed and glad not to be the center of her affection

I find myself feeling pretty awkward about this new way of greeting.  There are some people that I don’t want to kiss.  They have bad energy OR they might be contagious.  I’ve taken to putting my hand out to signal that I want to shake hands.

Even with my new friends I am unsure of the rules.  For instance if I see a friend downtown at the market we will kiss each other.  But then 10 minutes later I might see her waiting for her children at school.  Do I kiss her hello and goodbye again?

Sometimes I exchange the kissing greeting when I am leaving a friend.  Then I pause and say; “Now I would like to say my own goodbye.” And I give them a tight hug and a kiss on the side of their face.  That big hug always gets me a giant smile and another kiss.

I’ve been studying the kissing process here because I see it everywhere I go.   I want to be prepared in case someone comes rushing at me.  I am American and not used to this behavior. 

A person rushing at me might make me think that I am about to be attacked.  I would then embarrass myself by trying some kind of judo move or something.  I think it will take a little time to get used to all the kissing that is going on around here.

I’ve noticed there are some specific rules for kissing:

Rule #1:  As soon as you greet someone you must first kiss the person’s left cheek, then the right.  It doesn’t matter where this happens…in the middle of traffic, in line at the supermarket, or giving birth.

Rule #2: If you barely know the person you must kiss at their cheek but up in the air (Jay calls this “opera kisses”), however if you are real friends you give kisses directly to their cheek.

Rule #3:  Everybody kisses everybody:  men kiss men, and women kiss women.   The only exceptions that I’ve seen are if you are just meeting a person you might shake hands, but probably not.

Rule #4:  Every living soul must kiss children.  You see kids everywhere wiping away the kisses from adults with the expression of “yuck” in their eyes.

Rule #5:  If you are from Paris you kiss first on the left, then on the right, then on the left again and once more on the right for good measure.  This style of kissing has kind of a ballet rhythm to it.

I don’t think we have a kissing ritual in the US.  We shake hands and then give a smack on the shoulder or a pat on the back.  That would be pretty personal for us I think. That’s not to say that folks don’t kiss in America.  I know they do because there are lots of children running around to prove that someone kissed at least once.  

Cat likes all of this display of affection stuff.  She holds hands with the little girls and they kiss each other hello in the morning on the playground and goodbye after school.  Sometimes one of the little girls will run up to us as we are leaving school and give Cat a kiss on the check.  In a short time it all seems very normal to Cat.

Yesterday I watched Cat pass Delphine, the school gate guard.  The guard is a friendly young woman who gets kissed a lot by those little kids.  They must really know how to suck up, or else they are trying on purpose to pass along a great deal of germs. As Cat passed the guard Delphine said something in French, and Cat turned back without hesitation to follow Rule #1.  I had to smile to myself as I wondered how all of this was going to translate once we are back in the States.